


Miracle in the Darkness

by Ashes4545



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Baby, Birth, Death, Married Life, Post Everything, angst beyond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 16:50:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10194311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashes4545/pseuds/Ashes4545
Summary: About finding new reasons to go on when the only person to had is taken from you. Surviving death of a loved one. Jaime and Brienne are married and it should be the happiest moment of their lives....but what happens when it's Jaime's worst. Major sadness.





	1. Chapter 1

Miracle in Me

It had been 10 days, 10 days since Jaime Lannister's world had ended.   
Since then he hadn't ventured out of his chambers. He hadn't eaten, would not shower and slept only when the copious amounts of wine knocked him out. He was breathing but barely alive. His appearance was disheveled and unkept but nothing mattered...not anymore. He hadn't changed out of his loose fitted tunic and pants in days and refused to don his Lannister armour or cloak...but nothing really mattered, not anymore.

As he stared out of his window into the abyss he gulped his wind. His thoughts wandered and always led him back to her...that's when he would fill his cup and drink more. He took a gulp of wine when there was a knock on the door. A young servant entered and nervously cleared her throat. Jaime didn't turn or acknowledge her at all.

'My Lord...it's been 10 days and the babe still weeps heavily. Perhaps if you saw her...' she started

'I don't wish to be bothered,' he spoke

'But sir...if we brought the child in here...' she tried

'Leave me at once,' he gritted 

'Yes my Lord,' she replied and left his room.

Each day for the past 10 days at various times a different handmaiden would enter his quarters and plead with him to see the babe. The newborn who wailed down the hall. The child that was born mere hours before its mother was taken.

-  
It had been two years since they both barely survived the war that plagued Westeros. They had thought the worst was behind them and for awhile it was. Jaime proposed marriage to Brienne countless times before she finally agreed. She was never sure she belonged to the married life and was weary of Jaime's true feelings. She thought he was still in love with his long lost sister and didn't want to be a mere substitution. However, Jaime's persistence and promises of forever eventually wore her down.   
They married quietly and after a brief time in Tarth they moved to Casterly Rock and life was good. In fact, their lives were perfect. They spent their days sparring in the gardens and making love everywhere all the time. Many onlookers saw them and melted with envy at how easy married life was for them. Brienne was his and he was hers, two broken halves that together created a perfect whole.  
When she told him she was with child he beamed with hope. This was truly his second chance at having a family. He was blessed and then in an instance he was cursed.

\--  
Jaime remembered every bit of that fateful day.  
The babe was born after a difficult labour but the Maester insisted that Brienne would survive.  
Jaime sat by her as they revelled in their daughter who laid in her mothers arms. Brienne was beyond happy and it warmed him to see how excited she was for their little ones future. Pregnancy was hard on her, she fretted about not being able to swing a sword when she wanted too or don her armour. However, as time passed she soften to the idea of being a mother. She warned him she might not be fragile enough to be a good mother and he disagreed telling her there was more softness to her then she realized.

'What shall we name her?' she asked as she took the infants little hand in hers and lightly caressed the sleeping infants cheek with her finger. 

The child was peaceful in her arms he remembered as he took another swig of his wine recalling the moment he lost everything.

'You choose,' he replied kissing Brienne's cheek as he sat slightly behind her on her birthing bed. He looked down at the child and all he saw was the perfect mixture of himself and her. 

'Hmmm what...what about Joanna,' she said looking over at him. 

Jaime stared into her deep blue eyes and wondered if any man had ever loved a woman as much as he did in that moment.

'Ya, that's...that's perfect,' he replied as tears of contentment filled his eyes.

They stayed that way for over an hour smiling down at their daughter and basking in their happiness. Everything was good.

Brienne sighed tiredly and Jaime suggested she rest. After kissing Joanna's small forehead and breathing her in once more she nodded and handed the child to the nurse maid. Brienne told him to leave that she was just going to sleep and he would find it boring to sit there but he refused and pulled up a chair beside the bed and relaxed in it. She gave him a tired smile, 'I love you Sir Jaime' she hushed.

'I know,' he replied with a small laugh....he should have said 'I love you' back that should have been the last thing he said to her. God why didn't he say it. 

It wasn't long before they both drifted to sleep. Hours later he heard the babe wail loudly from down the hall and startled awake. The room was dark due to nightfall.  
He rubbed his eyes and looked around noticing Brienne still fast asleep.

He cleared his throat groggily, 'Brienne,' he called softly.

She didn't move, 'Brienne, the baby will be brought in to you...Brienne,' he nudged her hand and was taken aback by how cold she was.

'Brienne,' he shook her more

'Brienne!' His voice turned frantic

The handmaiden came into the room and Jaime hollered to her to get the Maester and nurse maid. 

The Maester declared her dead almost immediately....she died in her rest. He stated that an infection may have set in....he said it happens in childbirth sometimes and she wouldn't have suffered.

Jaime refused to hear more and made everyone leave. He was yelling and raging throwing things. One handmaiden unknowing of the recent event brought the babe into the room and Jaime threw her out yelling that the child stay well away from him.

\---  
As he reminisced at the window another knock interrupted his thoughts.

Tyrion walked into the room quietly.

'I said I wished to be left alone!' He yelled not turning around and thinking it was another handmaiden or servant.

Tyrion cleared his throat and Jaime turned briefly to see him standing there.

'If you're here to get me to see the babe don't bother,' he hissed taking another gulp of wine and then refilling his glass.

'I come here with no intentions just to pay respects and drink with you,' he spoke sincerely.

Tyrion sat at the desk and poured a glass. Jaime didn't look back at him.

Tyrion took in his brothers physical appearance, 'grief looks terrible on you dear brother.'

'Don't start,' Jaime barked back.

Tyrion looked at the bed donned with clean sheets. The servants had been quick to remove any reminders of the tragedy from the chambers.

'I am greatly sorry for your loss. Brienne was a great and strong woman,' he spoke softly

They stayed silent for awhile both in their wine glasses.

Jaime still hadn't turned around.

'I saw the infant, she is beautiful. Seems to have been blessed with the good genes from both of you. Does she have a name?' Tyrion asked poking his brother to speak.

'Brienne named her Joanna...she lived long enough to do that,' Jaime replied.

'The name suits the babe,' Tyrion nodded

'I heard that you refuse to see the child. I understand your grief but you must not blame the infant. You never blamed me when mother died during birthing me you shouldn't...' Tyrion spoke finally

'I don't...I don't blame the child. I...blame myself. I pushed Brienne. I pushed her to marry me, I cursed her with my name, I put the child in her and I told her to rest and I fell asleep,' Jaime said sadly finally releasing his feelings.

'The Maester said there was nothing anyone could do...that no one could know,' Tyrion debated

'I should have known! Brienne was a warrior with a sword and never woman enough to win a war in a birthing bed. I should never...I can't do this Tyrion. I can not live in a world where she isn't. I have lost a lot in my life but this...this I won't survive,' Jaime cried

Tyrion sighed heavily, 'you know you have to live. You have responsibilities...' he started

Jaime turned and threw his glass of wine across the room, 'screw my responsibilities! I just lost the love of my life. I owe this place nothing,' he raged

'Casterly Rock is not what I am talking about...as much as you have lost your wife your daughter of only 10 days lost a mother. Unlike you she will never know her and if you wish to grieve for enternity by all means do so but Brienne didn't leave you lonely. Perhaps the greatest gift she could give you lies 8 feet down the hall and cries begging to be loved. Brienne knew you as a good man don't let that die with her as well,' Tyrion stated

He stood up and walked to the door, 'I will take care of what needs to be done here and let you be,' he said opening the door, he paused.

'Dear brother, you will never know how sorry I am about your loss,' he said again with the upmost of respect.

As he left the handmaiden entered and before she could make a case about seeing his child he walked to the door and pushed her out slamming the door shut again.

\--  
'Jaime, Jaime....' he woke startled hearing her voice.

He had again drunk himself to sleep at his desk again that night. He rubbed his eyes and looked around the room. She wasn't there...every time he slept he saw her, held her and heard her voice and then he would awake to reality. 

Jaime slumped forward in his chair and clumsily took wine and as he was about to pour he heard the crying from the babe down the hall.  
He heard it sometimes but this time it was all that filled his quiet quarters and then he realized that the servant who was there with his dinner had left the door open. 

As the child screamed louder he got up intending on closing the door.

When he got to the door to close it if possible he heard the child scream even louder and he leaned his forehead on the door sighing heavily. 

'Nurse Maid! The child cries please make her stop,' he yelled

No one came and he poked his head out of his room, 'hello?! Servants! Handmaiden! Is anyone going to see to the child!' He yelled standing in the hall

Still no one came

'Hello! Where the hell is everyone! Hello!' He yelled louder his voice echoed down the corridor.

No one came and yet the child continued to cry her small voice getting hoarse and strained.

He shook his head about to just turn back to his room and shut her out but he stopped himself and waited a minute before slowly walking towards the infants room down the hall. As he got to her room he looked down the long hall searching to see if anyone else would come and when no one came and the child still wept he pushed the door open and carefully made his way to her basinette.  
When Jaime got to Joanna he looked down at her and swallowed hard.  
Slowly he picked up the baby and tried to hush her, 'shh...shh ok, ok you win, you win,' he said rocking back and forth.

The baby quieted a bit but still fussed in his arms, 'they say you cry often, perhaps like me you have a broken heart,' tears swelled in his eyes as he looked at his daughter. This was why he stayed away because those eyes...she had Brienne's eyes and he couldn't...he couldn't stand to see those eyes stare back at him because he knew it would hurt too much.  
The infant wailed and he cried violently holding her, 'I miss her too, Dear Gods I miss her too,' he broke cradling the child tightly to him.  
After awhile he got comfortable in a nearby chair with a now quiet Joanna.  
'Don't hold the last ten days of being your father against me,' he cooed.   
The baby squirmed in his arms as he took her all in, she really was magical. Brienne once said the babe will be the one thing that they could do perfectly and perhaps she was right. And perhaps the cure for his torn heart wasn't in a wine glass but in the child he held close the one part of Brienne he still had...perhaps she was his reason to live now.  
'I'll tell you what I promise you that I will heal your broken heart if you help heal mine,' he said softly rocking back and forth.


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

Joanna Lannister,' Jaime said kneeling in front of his four year old daughter.

She was tall for her age and had long blonde hair that she often swirled on top of her head. She truly possessed the best physical aspects of both her parents.

'Yes father,' she said softly

Jaime tried not to smile at her cuteness, 'what is this about you breaking the baker boy's nose?' he tried to scold

Joanna shrugged, 'he told me girls can't fight like boys so I was proving a point that they can,'

Joanna was all her mother down to the male garments she insisted on wearing. Tyrion often laughed that she had the fight of her mother and wit of her father and easily balanced both effectively.

'Joanna,' he scolded

'I told you before you can't just beat up those to prove points. There is a time and place to use your physical strength and then a time where you just walk away,' he said firmly

'It didn't bleed that much,' she shrugged again.

Jaime stood up and sighed giving up. She was often in trouble for fighting with boys but only did it when they picked on her or were cruel to defenceless beings. Just a few weeks ago she beat up a boy for throwing rocks at a horse. Like Brienne she had a good heart but a wicked punch.

'Nevertheless tomorrow you will apologize to the boy, you understand,' he finished 

Joanna shrugged in defeat, 'yes father...can we spar in the gardens now?' She asked enthusiastically

Jaime laughed, she loved swordsplay and he was always willing to spar with her or chase her around even ducking out of Casterly Rock duties to do so...she was his only priority.

Joanna saved him from himself after losing Brienne and in turn he vowed to be the father she deserved and her mother knew he could be.

'First we eat breakfast,' he said and she took his good hand in hers.

-  
They sat outside eating breakfast.

'So young one you have a birthday in two moons, you will be a whole hand old anything you desire?' Jaime asked as he took a bite of bread.

Joanna got quiet, 'not really,'

Jaime knew too well Joanna did not like her birthday no matter how extravagant he tried to make it...she missed not having her mother and her birthday was a constant reminder that she never got to meet her.

'Oh come now there must be something,' he said trying to be as uplifting as possible.

Joanna rang her hands nervously, 'father...why have you never taken another wife? Girls in the yard say your good looking enough and there are always pretty ladies in dresses trying to talk to you. Surely you could have another wife?' She asked changing the subject.

Jaime had never bedded another woman since Brienne, he had no desire too. It was true that woman flaunted themselves at him and Tyrion tried on more then one occasion to set him up but he always refused. That part of his life died the day she did.

'Never wanted to be married again your mother was the only woman I ever truly loved and I have no desire for another. Do you wish me to marry?' He asked 

Joanna thought and twisted her lips, 'Not really, I suppose I just don't want you to be lonely,' 

Jaime poured her more juice.

'I m not lonely, I have you and your mothers memory that's all I need to get me through the day,' he shrugged.

'Now your birthday...' he started again

'Do I have to marry a gross boy?' Joanna said continuing to change the subject. 

Jaime chuckeled, 'you my lady can do anything you want but in some time you may find boys not so gross,' he said amused at his daughters disgusted expression

Joanna thought for a moment, 'I will marry if I m allowed to beat the boy up when he's mean,' she agreed taking too big of a bite of her breakfast

Jaime laughed...dear heavens she was her mother.

'So one more time what is it you want for your birthday? A new saddle for your horse, a trip somewhere or perhaps some jewelry and a dress?' He asked laughing when his daughter rolled his eyes at the idea of jewels or a dress

'Well perhaps a trip,' she began

She had been thinking of this for some time and hoped the idea wouldn't cause her father to be upset.

'Name it,' Jaime insisted

He spoiled the young girl but she never asked for much and she was his whole world so when she did want something he always found it for her.

'Perhaps we could travel to Tarth to see where mother grew up,' she said finally

Jaime paused and put down his fork. 

Jaime hadn't been to Tarth since he was first married to Brienne and he knew one day Joanna would ask to go but he was never truly prepared to go back there. Tarth was his Brienne, it held their most special moments and being there without her would be hard but his daughter deserved to know every bit of her mother.

'Tarth it is,' he said with a nod swallowing the lump in his throat. 

Joanna smiled as she popped a grape in her mouth, 'ok I have eaten now can we spar in the gardens...please,' she pleaded

He laughed, 'shouldn't you let your food settle first' he said wiping his mouth with a napkin.

'It will settle on the way there...come on,' she said pulling her father from the table.

'Ok, ok you win, you win,' he said as he took her hand.

'Father,' she started as they walked

'Yes my Joanna,' 

'Tonight can you tell me a story of mother?' she asked

'Don't I always,' he replied

'You don't get tired of telling me them?' She shrugged

'Never, those are my favourite stories too,' he said with a smile

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry my first post was so sad but I really liked how this story went. Pleas share what you think...new to this but I m learning. I had this posted on my tumblr but thought I should add it here.


End file.
